What is bugging Canadians?

By Roy MccGregor (Today's The Globe and Mail)

Everywhere these days in the media they seem to be lining up the hot buttons: sponsorship inquiry, government scandle, election, unity, health care, unemployment, integrity, same-sex-marriage legislation, daycare, immigration...

And, as events sometimes appear to be showing, perhaps the state does have a place in the bedrooms of the nation — but no place at all in the backyard . . .

The media might think unity and medicare are at the top of any current list of official national concern, but unofficially, and in no particular order, this is what's really bugging Canadians these days:

- Short pants or long pants?
- How to cure that slice?
- When will it rain?
- When will it stop raining?
- When does the seal hunt — and the seal-hunt coverage — come to an end?
- Shade or sun lawn seed? Or an all-purpose seed good for both?
- Which makes more sense: a 30-point $40 bike tune-up or simply heading out with a wrench and a can of WD-40 and doing it yourself?
- Does the lack of Stanley Cup playoffs mean no chance of a beer war bringing down the price?
- What is the actual penalty for not filing taxes on time?
- Is the propane tank on the barbecue half full or half empty — and who can ever tell anyway?
- When does brook trout season open?
- When does mosquito season start?
- How kitschy is a back yard pond — and, given the low price of goldfish and the high incidence of household cats, is it worth stocking?
- How long can you keep giving out free daily newspapers before the forest runs out?
- Why do the best jobs — whipping dew off golf-course greens, sitting in a lawn chair counting traffic, patrolling a beach, guiding at a summer camp, picking up tips at a fancy resort — all go to young people with no experience who won't stay on past September anyway?
- Scientists are now saying they can cure cancer in the next 10 years — so how long do we have to wait for baldness? And bad breath?
- Now that they are broadcasting television channels over cellphones, how long before they're going to be as illegal as open bottles in cars?
- Do those silly little deer whistles you stick onto the hood of your car really work?
- What are the possibilities that some former politician from Liberia really is willing to cut me in for a percentage if I help him spirit $70-million (U.S.) out of the country?
- Where does Jetsgo get the nerve?
- Why do the best summer holiday bookings go to those who least deserve them?
- Will the puppy ever learn to come when it's called?