Monday, January 16, 2006


Did you know that marriage is defined in so many different terms by different people?

1- religious institution
2- traditional institution
3- legal/financial status (contract)
4- personal commitment (non-religious common law)

I suppose religious people prefer the 1st definition, traditional families the 2nd one, people who don't believe in religion or tradition but are interested in having children look at the 3rd definition and number 4 is generally for (rather romantic) people who prefer to stay common law as long as they are together.

It really makes of world of difference which definition you pick.

I personally believe that you need a great deal of self-awareness, self-reflection and knowledge to choose the definition that suits you, your goals and future expectations.


At 2:09 p.m., Blogger Sooski said...

I am somewhere in between 3 & 4. Definitely not a 1 or 2. but you're right, it takes some awareness to know which one is one's definition! :)

At 3:20 p.m., Blogger Bahar said...

You are probably in the fourth category, if your personal commitment is the highlight of your status.

The 3rd category really is for people who only make it official when the kids are coming.

I personally, am lost. I have no idea which category I should belong to!

Obviously you want to start from 4 (head over heels in love) and move your way to category 3 or 2.

At 3:23 p.m., Blogger Bahar said...

I always thought tthat marriage was a tradition.

Now, at this age, I know that I do not believe in tradition. So, why would I get "married" ?

If one doesn't believe in tradition or religion and there is no plans to have kids, there is absolutely no point in legally "marrying" one's partner.

Is there?

At 4:54 p.m., Blogger Leili said...

I think there is. We live is groups, communities, societies, cities, countries ...Therefore we need rules to keep everything in place. I think marriage is one of them. Once you start sharing your life with someone you need some rules to protect you and your assets in the society you live. I think the point of marriage contract is to predict those needs in each society and cover them (mostly, but it can always be improved). Based on that, I think in many cases it is safer and of course more reasonable if yo get married even if you don't have kids yet.

The problem may be that some people rush into marriage without understanding the point of it. So eventually, they end up signing a contract that protects something that they are not sure they want.

ps> Bahar: how are you today? I miss you, very much!

At 10:19 p.m., Blogger Bahar said...

Leili joon,

I am doing good. What are you up to, this winter? any plans to visit Toronto?

What is the weather like over there?

At 11:30 p.m., Blogger Farid said...

Hmmm, I don't get the 4th category!
Personal commitment? Does it mean that a person may believe that a "Paper" has to be signed in order to become commited to somebody?

At 12:23 a.m., Blogger Leili said...

Everything is nice and warm down here! Perfect for skiing! Wouldn't you like to enjoy skiing on the slopes of Colorado Rockies under the sunny blue sky? Yes? Then come down here already!

I am planning my trip to Toronto, but looks like it won't be sooner that Spring. Don't go anywhere! ;)

At 2:02 a.m., Blogger Gerrit Bosman said...

Hi Sky,

I think I can add something to your discussions. I live with Hellen for over 25 years. We have two lovely children and feel deep love and affection to each other and to our kids.
We didn’t marry each other, there was no (expensive) wedding.
Why should you promise each other eternal faith when you know as a fact that one in three weddings end in divorce?
Now that we have arrived at a point in our relation that things are not as good as they used to be, as I observe in many couples around us, we feel the need to keep what is good, to preserve the things we share and give each other full play to obtain the things we need or miss. We do not feel the need to split and start all over again with a new partner, hoping things will get better.
With all this, we never missed not being officially married. Only when the kids were born, we had to legalize our relationship because else the kids would not legally be mine.

I think marriage is more a society thing. It is a stabilizing factor in society and you should be interested in the sociological meaning of marriage. It brings good taxpayers, stabile husbands who have to work hard etc etc.

I believe in True Love, this can’t be forced with a legal, religious contract.

With Love, Gerrit.

At 5:29 a.m., Blogger Jackal said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 8:12 a.m., Blogger Bahar said...

To Farid:

No that means common law. no paper involved.

At 8:13 a.m., Blogger Bahar said...

Jackal, why did u erase your comment?

At 8:15 a.m., Blogger Bahar said...

I agree with both Leili and Grit.

In an ideal world, when people say they love each other, they mean commitment. Even if they go through a rough patch, they still believe that you should work things out for the sake of their love and their kids.

But as Leili said, no everyone feels and acts the same. Perhaps a legal marriage (Cat. 3) is required to keep things in order and protect people's rights.

At 12:19 p.m., Blogger Jackal said...

seems that your Lady President friend, Jina Davis has won the golden globe award ;)

At 12:31 p.m., Blogger Bahar said...


She was so amazing :) she gave a funny speech that changed the mood of the whole event!

Also, I had no idea how tall she is! I believe she is at least 6' (185 cm) and a tad bit heavy, too.

At 1:04 p.m., Blogger Jackal said...

something i've noticed, you almost always mention the metric conversion of units too. is this a "i'm a good engineer" thing?! ;)

At 1:30 p.m., Blogger Bahar said...

No hon,

This is because I have American, Canadian and European readers and I don't want to leave anyone out :)


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