The Search (2): History Lessons

I thought to all my loyal readers, I owe a little bit of explanation about my dating history and why I am in Search.
I am giving you the comedy version and not necessarily the accurate one. So, beware!

You all know that I moved to Canada when I was 19-20 years old, only a little girl, who was worried about making enough money to pay my university tuition fee, getting good grades in school and making it work for me and my family. I was not thinking about dating until 3 years later.

When I first started university (20) I only had one male friend on campus, who was a PhD student. He was a very nice guy and a genius, but I was not interested. More importantly, he smelled and he had weird "touching" habits. so, I had to remind him that he was my only friend on campus, but he had to keep a 2-feet distance from me. Back then I thought: "gee, do all guys smell or only guys with PhDs?"

So, the lucky girl that I was, the first guy I went out with was a teacher and 30 years old. Nice guy, but after a month I realized he had an issue with the fact that he was a "30 year old virgin" and wanted to fix it with me! So, I decided to run like hell! He stalked me for a while until things got ugly. Anyways, that was a terrible experience!

Then I thought "oh boy, I gotta stay away from weird people" and I went out with my first real boyfriend whom I knew from back home. Good thing he didn't smell, but when I got my first engineering job (yay!) he told me "I don't know what this obsession is you have with career. You either marry me in 6 months (and pay my rent) or else!". I was a Canadian citizen (with an income) and he was a (poor) student in dire need of immigration visa. As much as I felt bad for him, I had to tell him that I didn't think we were quite ready for that. He wanted to kill me! A year later, he told me I should stop running into him in Toronto, because everytime he sees me, his life is ruined!

It's funny that now ( 4 years later) he lives near my work and I see him once a week. I can't stop laughing, remembering what he told me, but he really gets mad and still feels that he wants to kill me!

About a year later, I finally agreed to go out with a guy who had been bugging me about it, for a year. On the first date he confessed that he had feelings for guys. So, I started playing the role of a supportive friend and encouraged him to face the facts, come out of closet and tell his parents (I didn't know his mom had mental problems!). Still to this date, he hates me and after dating many guys, believes that I made him gay by not becoming his girlfriend! But, hey, at least he stopped the threatening phone calls to ruin my life !

Then I met Charles. Gorgeous, half asian, half white. He was very kind and smelled great! But we couldn't make it into a relationship, because he was 30, living at grandma's house and not interested in getting a job. Later that year he married a single mother and moved in with her. I still run into him in Toronto. He has another baby on the way and he is happy.

So before I was 25, the guys that I knew were smelly, gay, crazy, lazy and authoritarian. I didn't believe in loving such creatures and practically wouldn't shed a tear if they went extinct! Then a good friend changed my life. He was the first man to respect me as a friend and a woman, and gave me the self-esteem to do anything.

I know he is reading this now. He changed my views about men. He became an inspiration in my life and he is still my best friend. Because of him I learned that I am worthy of love and respect and there are people worthy of my love and respect. Because of him, I discovered the loving woman in me.

I moved to UK (Northern Ireland) in 2004 and I met Hannes who was from Austria. We went out for the duration of my stay and he loved me, cherished me, respected me and taught me how wonderful it is to have a partner in life. Because he was younger than me, his mother's only child, his grandmother's only grandchild and he loved his country, I decided not to make him move to Canada, just because of me. It was hard, but I wanted to live with a clear conscience.

Since then, I have met some interesting people. One guy told me on the first (and only) date that he still lived with his girlfriend (i.e. wife?) and the best thing he ever did in his life was committing suicide. Next guy, another PhD genius had a problem with my work schedule, because he partied all night and slept all day and finally, the last guy (36) I met, was divorced, his sister killed herself and he said his mommy (Filipino) wouldn't approve of a middle eastern girlfriend, from 3,000 km away! Charming! (kinda messed up!)

So here I am again, wanting to experience the magic of having a wonderful and respectful partner in my life, but I have promised not to look for gays, bums, divorced men, smelly men, PhD students, 30 year old virgins, suicidal men and cheap people (should I tell you that story, too?).

As you see, Toronto has a population of more than 3 million, mostly young educated people from all colors, but it is still a challenge to find an open-minded, respectful, smart and kind man in his 30s!

So, the Search continues!