The Search (3): Is Chivalry Dead?

I was reading The Bastard on the Couch yesterday that I came across the piece by Daniel Jones on chivalry. I figured reading this book could help me understand why I bring out the weirdo in all men.

Apparently with the feminist movement in 70s, people put chivalry and chauvinism in the same category. Getting the door, opening the car door and paying for the dates could imply that women are weak, need to be taken care of, and in return they offer sexual favors.

Nowadays women make as much money as men do, and don't need to be taken care of, in the traditional sense. More importantly, they do not consider themselves sexual objects.

We tend to look for 50-50 relationships: "I work, you work, I cook, you cook, I clean, you clean". But it doesn't quite work that way. We all have strengths, weaknesses and preferences.

I guess in some sense, I don't want to dismiss tradition a 100%. It seems that as much as I would like to be an independent and confident woman, I still appreciate getting a hand in carrying groceries, or moving furniture. At the same time, I don't mind cooking or cleaning, most of the time.

I am still not sure where we stand in terms of "roles of the genders" but it seems like at least on the surface, women like to be protected and men like to protect. Obviously not everyone fits into the stereotypes, but the majority perhaps do.

After all, women carry the fetus, give birth and breast feed. With that, comes the bond between the child and the mother, which brings out the nurturing nature in them.

This brings me to my point that, we still like to cherish a little bit of tradition. Occasionally, women like to get a ride and have their meals paid for, and men get an ego-boost out of it. This doesn't mean that women have to do any sexual favors or expect a male servant.

I am a big fan of "you paid last time, I pay this time", since we all work for a living. But when it comes to wooing a woman, at least the first few weeks, men should try to offer to pay or give the girl a ride home. We all know no good deed goes unpunished!

At the end of the day, flirting is all about giving each other an ego-boost.

M.T has offered to pick me up for our date tonight. So far, I like his manners.