More on my identity issues!

What should my answer be, when someone asks: "are you muslim?"?

Facts:
- I was born a muslim
- I went to an Islamic school in an Islamic country
- I can read Qoran and translate it.
- do I believe in God? probably. I belive in the spirit of the world, the soul of goodness.
- do I believe in heaven and hell? No.
- do I believe prophet Mohammad existed? yeah, maybe. I have no beef with him.
- do I believe in all the religious stories and miracles: Adam and Eve, Immaculate Conception, David, etc? No, absolutely not! I believe in evolution and science.
- do I practice Islam: read prayers, fast, etc? No
- do I avoide sins such as drinking, eating pork or sex? No absolutely not!
- do I like religion? No!
- do I celebrate religious "eid"? No, I celebrate Norouz and Yalda because they celebrate nature.
- do I think religion protects women and human rights? No, absolutely the opposite.
- do I think religion makes the world a better place? No, that is some "holy crap"!
- how do I feel about muslims around me with long beard who go to mosque every day and talk about getting rid of the evil in the world? I dislike them very much!

so, what am I? When they talk about Muslim Canadians, am I included?

Are you amuslim if you believe in the religion? Or just because you grand parents were muslim you get it by default? (like some distorted gene!)

I have nothing against people who are muslim, as long as they don't take away other people's rights and freedoms. but how should I answer the question "are you muslim?"?

Help. Please!