Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Life as we know it?

As one friend entered a very emotional divorce process, one friend got married and another friend decided to go to a sperm bank!

All the above mentioned friends are pretty close to me and I have known them for years.

Niloofar and I went to high school together (starting 15 years ago). Our parents went to university together, too. So, I have known her the longest and her divorce hit me pretty hard.

A day after she broke the news of her separation, Alireza sent me picture of his surprise wedding! I have known him since I was 18 (he was 22 then). So, 11 years! As he put in his e-mail, he went back home for a 1 week visit, got married to this lovely lady (introduced by his parents) and then she arrived in UK last week.

At this point in time, nothing could shock me anymore, not even Katrina’s decision to go to a sperm back! I met Katrina 4 years ago as I started working for the government. We have been very close since.

Life is full of surprises and there is a lesson to be learned from all life experiences (as lived by people around us).

Looking at Niloo’s recent challenges (the model wife, as far as I know) I can see how much work goes into working out a marriage and yet, it may not be enough due to many circumstances such as environmental influences (in laws!). Also, I have begun to see that you might have to reinvent yourself and reorganize your path a few times in your lifetime, and that’s no easy task. Self-awareness will come in handy when all of a sudden you have to shift gears and restart your life (sometimes with jumper cables!).

But most of all, Alireza shocked me by his announment. The man who reads The God Delusion, did a very traditional thing and chose an arranged marriage. Interestingly enough, I admit that statistics show these marriages can be as successful as love marriages, for many cultural reasons. But again, it’s a very bold move for a man that I have known to be a Skeptic, and a smart one, too. At the end of the day, he might have made a good choice for himself.

But Katrina’s recent decision has really got me thinking. This morning I finally picked up the phone and told her that she is making a mistake. It might have been the Father’s Day events that went down this past weekend that got me thinking seriously about this. The bottom line is that no one likes to be the child of a test-tube. I understand her dilemma that she is running out of time (she is 42) and she has had a hard time finding a boyfriend (let alone a husband) but still, it is better to find a “live” sperm donor (i.e. a friend) than going to a sperm bank. At the end of our phone conversation I might have convinced her to go to a child psychiatrist and ask about the future mental health of a child that comes from a sperm bank and may never find a father figure in his/her life.

At the end of the day, what I think matters the least. Life is a weird thing, my friends!


At 5:39 a.m., Blogger Jackal said...

there's something about picking up the phone to tell a grown up friend that "what he/she does is wrong" that bugs me a little...

i somehow think that it's wrong to tell someone that he/she is "wrong", even for the most obvious cases.

as for the case of Katrina, whom i don't know and have no idea of her personal circumstances, i still reckon that her decision is as good (or potentially as bad) as any other decision.

so is the case for my decision!

At 6:37 a.m., Blogger The City Gal said...

Your decision seems like a good decision, as I said before.

As for Katrina, you need to know her first.

At 6:11 a.m., Anonymous Niloofar said...

Congradulation Alireza! To confirm Bahar's point of vewi about your mariage I trully recommend seeing this very nice award winning indian movie :Monsoon Wedding, on arranged marriages in traditinal countries like ours. it clearly states that these marriges can be even more succesfull than a love marrige if both bride and groom are educated people.


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